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A group of women sitting at a Rochester coffee shop were listening closely. Whether widowed, divorced or never married, women are trying to define how they want their next relationships to look — if they can find someone to date — and how to define the dating terrain. They want to set some guidelines for themselves before they meet someone. Some are meeting people at dinner parties or at bars that cater to middle-aged clientele. Others are comfortable with online dating services such as Match. Carmen Coleman, 51, a Fairport financial planner divorced for 12 years, has been dating for two years. It takes two years of dating someone to really know them. She met one man at work, another at church who later reached out to her via Facebook. She, like many others, likes for a first date to be in a public place. She also is trying to reconcile old-fashioned ideals — for example, that the man pays the bill in most instances — with modern expectations.
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